Anyway, back to the topic, we’re leaving for ZhuHai in less than a week and I’m darn excited! :D Can’t wait to escape from MJ and go to a place whereby I don’t need to study every day and stay up late to complete assignments and study! Woohoo~ Even though that’s only for a week and reality would slap me for having a lot of catching up to do, I’m still glad that we have this break. It’s as if the June holidays weren’t holidays and this trip to China would be a substitute for it. But I guess it’s true because for the whole of June holidays, all we have been doing was to study, study and study.

Speaking about June holidays and MYEs, I just got back my GP and Physics papers today. GP wasn’t as bad as I’ve thought, but Physics was… disappointing. I have to admit that I saw this coming because I only spent two hours studying for it on the day before the exam, and… I can only blame myself for it. I guess it serves as a very good lesson for me to buck up and seriously plan my time wisely. Sigh, but what’s done is done and all we can do is to look forward and be prepared for the future.

Guess it’s time to go now as I still have EOM to complete and I’ve escaped here to post something to keep myself awake, haha. Adios!

Oh by the way, dad bought us a DSLR (finally) and I can’t wait to use it for the trip! :D Here’s a picture of my new baby:

The above paragraph seems to be very emotional and despondent so I guess I shall move on and leave it hanging there. :) Life hasn’t been that bad actually. I mean, it’s not to that extent that I would cry every day having to think about school. There are still things I look forward to, like meeting my classmates (nice ones) and friends! Really glad to have them by my side actually.

Well, I can’t help but to talk about some of the classmates who are not as nice as those mentioned. Seriously, I believe that it’s fated for people to meet, fated for people to be together and fated for people to separate. You’re right, fate is what I’m talking about. But some people just don’t understand it. It’s just fated that our characters cannot go well together and that’s it. As simple as that, and I don’t see a need for you to talk about me in your blog (which you assume I don’t read) and grouse about stuff you’re unhappy about me. I mean you’re absolutely free to talk about anything under the sun but do you have to be so specific and say that my actions are “childish” and I’m manipulating you to avoid some people? Yes I want to avoid some people in class but does that mean I’m childish? And did I force you to do all those things? I didn’t. When I needed peace and silence for a moment, what were you doing there? You just could’t stop talking and I’m sorry to say this, but you annoyed me to no point. Sometimes, you just have to be more sensitive to your surroundings because you’re not the only one living in the world where everyone is able to tolerate your words and actions.

Back to my point, really happy that there are those who understand how I truly feel about things in college. People like Sheri, Nisya, Jane, Abi Tan and Gwen, I feel blessed for having them as my friends and classmates. And of course, HweeSze for always being there during choir, haha. Speaking about friends, I guess I just have to accept that some friends would never be by your side forever. It has happened so many times and I guess this is finally the end of everything. There used to be moments I cherished the most, when we could talk about practically anything and everything, but now, all these moments have passed and would be forgotten eventually. We have nothing to say to one another. Absolutely nothing, and I’m disappointed. It came to me that you guys are happy without me because you guys are still the same without yours truly. You guys organise dinner outings and so on and I guess they went fine, without me. I just have to accept that it’s not gonna be the same anymore, and I just have to let myself be less dependent on you guys for support because after all, my family and other friends would still be there for me. <3

So anyway, I don't really know why I'm here when I'm supposed to be looking through lecture sides to refresh my memory, but it's been good to be able to let out what I've kept inside for so long and I'm glad that the time has been well-spent. :) Guess it's time to get on some serious matters now…

Today marks the start of April and it is a hectic month for the SYF team. I looked at the monthly schedule and it freaks me out. We’ve started having four practices per week, consecutively. I guess our voices would soon die out and I’m being real honest here. Not that I dislike my choir or anything, but consecutive practices are not effective. It would only drain our energies and with that, it’s enough to create adverse effects. Sadly, none of these thoughts would be heard and even if they are, nothing would be done. Our choir just need lots of practices. Gold with Honours? I’m not quite convinced with that goal, but I’m gonna do my best for SYF and astound myself. :D

Anyway, my life doesn’t only revolve around choir, choir and choir. There’s still school. (obviously) I’ve been failing tests and I’m disappointed. But this is not gonna get me in any way. I know that I’ve not put in enough effort and I obviously haven’t done my best for them. Lesson noted and learned. And let’s move on with life then. I shan’t keep talking about it.

To be honest, I still feel like a wallflower in my class. At least in choir, I’m being accepted for who I am and there are people who understand me. But that’s not the case in class. It’s really sad, honestly. I keep getting the feeling that people are allowed to ignore me but I’m not allowed to do so to them. People think that I’m anti-social and a hindrance to them. I feel sorry for that, but no, I’m not gonna change for that. My closest friends have accepted me for that and why must I change? At this point of time, you might feel that I’m being very unreasonable and headstrong but let me tell you this: I’ve been putting up with a lot of crap in school and I’m sick and tired of all these. People being arrogant, attention-seeking, coming to you only when they need your help and complaining non-stop. Seriously, why is there a vast difference in my previous school and current college? I know I should be more open-minded and accept others for who they are, and this is too much. Way too much. I have a high tolerance level but this doesn’t mean that people should abuse it. What rights do they have to do so? These are the people who make me so sick and tired of school. But besides that, I’m totally fine with the stress that I’m facing. Totally fine.

Sigh, I probably understand why I’ve come here instead of doing lit or studying for econs test. I seriously need a place or someone to speak to about all these things without being judged or criticised. Obviously no one would truly understand and I bet after reading this post, some might be cursing me in their hearts. But you know what? I don’t care because that’s how I feel and I’m not gonna hide them and be a hypocrite. Never will I do that.

I honestly feel better after saying all these things and I’m gonna find my motivation to move forward with life again. :) It seriously helps! I know I’m very long-winded when it comes to blog posts, but those are my true feelings about everything I’m facing and there’s nothing to hide. :) So as usual, here’s a nice picture for everyone before signing off~ :D

Anyway, school’s fine for me, taking in account that I’m still alive and surviving here. I mean, the environment’s great, and the people are nice. It’s just the JC-life I’m not getting used to. I don’t actually know how many times I have to say this before I finally get used to it, but that’s just how I’m doing at the moment. (in case you’re curious about JC-life) Choir practices have been fine and I’m kinda getting used to the fact that we don’t have to greet the teachers and conductors or even ask for the permission to leave the room. I mean, that’s MJCHOIR and I have to accept the fact that I’m in it, for good or for worse. I do admit that I miss DMNCHOIR a lot. Who wouldn’t? For the past fours years, all I’ve ever looked forward to in school was choir, choir and choir. Yeah, probably a choir-crazy behaviour but that’s from the bottom of my heart. I ♥ DMNCHOIR.

I should stop talking about that before anyone gets pissed off and leave this blog, because I understand how intolerable if one keeps talking non-stop about one issue. So anyway, I am actually not supposed to be blogging at this time as I still have undone work! $#%^ Yeah, I know right. That’s JC-life, I guess. (For goodness sake, I’ve been saying this for countless times, haha) I’m rather proud of myself as I’m left with a little bit of Chinese, Econs and Lit tutorials! Alright, that’s actually a lot, so I shall leave now and complete them before Saturday! (The reason for this post being short and sweet, haha)

I just came back from choir camp yesterday and it was a blast. I had nice group leaders, to be honest. Everything was okay, and everyone had fun. I know saying this is not very nice, but I feel inferior there. I mean, it seems like everyone has formed their cliques and I would be ignored so often by others that I felt so useless and gave up eventually. I swear that even before the camp started, I was very positive about things, wanting to make new friends from there and communicate with people from there. But many things proved me wrong. I gave up on the first night. I gave up cos’ there was nothing I could do to make myself feel less inferior. I can’t actually tell this to anyone cos’ they’d think that I’m being extremely sensitive again and all those. But I’m saying this from the bottom of my heart, I’m not. I don’t know why I feel this way. I apologise if my face is too threatening to anyone, but I’m trying my best to change this. I really don’t know if I can hold on to this for another year or so. I don’t know. Another thing I have to confess is that I can’t help but to compare MJCHOIR to DMNCHOIR. I know comparing is not healthy and definitely not encouraged to do so, but I can’t help doing that. I’m actually prepared to be confronted by anyone since I’ve decided to say all these here. But at least I’m being honest. Even though all these might seem a little too pessimistic, I still have to say that it takes time for things to take their shapes. I’m not discriminating MJCHOIR in any way, but it takes times for me to accept it the way it is. It takes time for everything, I guess. So I do have expectation for MJCHOIR after all.

I guess it’s rather ironic that I said that I should talk about something else which would be happier at the end of paragraph one but end up talking about something pessimistic in paragragh two. But it’s okay, what’s done is done and I’m not gonna change it anyway. So I’ve had enough of rambling and well, today is after all yours truly’s birthday, haha. Let’s talk about something which is really worth to be happy for. :) And that is… my dad got me a Macbook Pro! (for birthday I guess, cos’ I wouldn’t ask for anything more) Some might think that this is a stupid thing to be happy for, but let me tell you something: this is my second 2011 resolution that I have accomplished! (first for being in MJ) Oh, and talking about resolutions, I think the resolution of being in MJ is a little distorted as if you were to refer to that post talking about itm I’ve mentioned that I would join the photography club for sure. But well, guess what? I’m back in choir and… yeah, there are reasons for it but I guess it wouldn’t be appropriate to mention them here. Guess I’ll just have to wait for the right time to say them. :) So anyway, I’m back in choir and hopefully, things would change. And I would get into SYF. And blah blah blah.

So… I’m gonna be out later with UCP to have buffet! It’s the first time celebrating birthday with friends, or rather UCP on the day itself and I’m rather excited for it. Please don’t say that I’m heartless for leaving my family at home while I enjoy myself cos’ it’s not true alright! My parents would be having a performance and well, I guess they might be having dinner outside and all those. Furthermore, they were the ones who said that they wouldn’t be able to celebrate this year’s birthday with me, but I guess it’s okay. I’m seventeen! (no longer seven or whatsoever, so I understand) So anyway, I actually can’t believe that I’m already seventeen. :O And time passes even faster when you’re having lots of things to do! It’s kinda hectic actually, but it’s time for me to get used to all these!

I guess that’s all for today and see you guys next time! :D

School’s officially starting tomorrow and hopefully I’d adapt to this new environment as soon as possible. I would only be spending two years here and time really flies! In no time, t’d be 2012 and hopefully, I’d be in J2. Well, hopefully is the word. But of cos, what’s the pointing of saying it when no action is carried out? I would give it my best shot in everything I promise, tho’ I know it’s not as easy as it’s said and my close friends are describing college as ‘hell’. But I guess I’m prepared. I’ve rested enough and it’s time to explore the next chapter of my life. I was just looking through my post on 1st Jan 2011 and I realised that I’ve accomplished one of my new year’s resolutions of getting into MJ! Haha, that seriously makes me happy and it gives me the motivation to work even harder while studying there. I honestly think that motivation is very important. Yes, this is what we always hear from people around us and it gets boring over some time, but trust me, it’s true. Without motivation, how are we supposed to push ourselves forward without stopping so frequently? Ttruth be told, we’re humans and we always need some rest after a long and tiring journey. However, after resting, we have to find ourselves new motivations to keep us moving forward, and it would definitely be better if we’re moving at a faster pace than before. Having said all these, I have a plan that suddenly pops up in my head and I guess, I should just carry it out. :) From today onwards, I would carry post-its and my schedule book around. Hopefully, after each lecture or tutorial, I would have the time to quickly jot down what I’ve learnt and review them eventually at the end of the day. :) Haha, it sounds simple, but do you really think it is? I don’t actually think so but there’s no harm giving it a try.

My mind is actually blank now and I don’t know what else to say here. How am I feeling about going to a new school tomorrow? Well, I’m having mixed feelings about it. Probably excitement, fear, anxiousness, curiousness, and whatever you can think of to suit my feelings. I have to admit that there’s something that’s mind-bothering for me and that is the hope to make new friends. I know, I know how intimidating I’ve always looked. I’ve always been trying to change that but I guess I still need time. I don’t really like the feeling of putting on a fake smile when I’m not feeling happy. I don’t want people to have a false impression of me. But at the same time, I don’t want people to be afraid of me and fun away from me. It just bothers me. But I guess the best thing to do is to not think about it and be myself. I should just be excited for school tomorrow and put on a genuine smile. :) Anyway, I’m gonna see lots of familiar faces tomorrow and it’s just gonna be a school day filled with surprises, haha.

I guess that’s all for me today and I’m probably gonna sing some songs, forget there’s school tomorrow until my mum wakes me up and be a happy happy kid. :D Adiós!

I know I shouldn’t be talking about grades and all those stuff, but I really wanna share with you guys the joy that I felt! I’ve actually got an A2 for Chemistry! Alright, it might be nothing to you but to me, it’s like everything. (hyperbole, but oh whatever) I’ve been failing it since Secondary Three and I’ve never passed any one of the exams or tests on this subject. Yeah, that’s really sad. Even when studying for it, I’ve been telling myself no to expect anything better than a grade C as I would be more than happy to actually pass it. But miracles do happen, and of course, I studied hard for it. For your information, I’m not a “chemically-inclined” person and therefore while others can remember the content as well as a nursery rhyme, I had to spend more time and effort and do hardcore memorising so that I can regurgitate the content in the exam hall. That’s how difficult it is for me to study Chemistry. And of course, there are more content-based subjects which I had to memorise and it wasn’t easy for me. So anyway, it was really a blessing for me to get an A2 for Chemistry and it’s really unexpected. :) And another subject that I’m really happy for is Literature in English. Well, I haven’t been doing as bad as Chemistry as for it but for the two years studying it, I haven’t got an A. My results for Literature were mediocre and well, sometimes even a fail in some essays. But I’ve got an A1 for it! It’s God’s blessing again and, we must also thank Ms Angelina Tang, our Literature teacher who helped us a lot. (even though some of us thought that some lessons were rather ridiculous, hehe)

So anyway, I’m finished with sharing my joy and yes, the results were really unexpected. I didn’t really dare or bother to ask anyone except for my close friends about their results as I’m afraid that they would lead to awkward situations. Fortunately all my friends did well and none of them needed comforting! :D Gladness. But I’ve heard some of the sad cases whereby outstanding students had unexpected results. I just hope they would pull themselves up and stand up again. After all, it’s part of life and yes, life still goes on no matter what happens.

Alrght, I should just stop talking about results since I’m neither here nor there, happy nor sad. Okay, but I’m sure that I would be happy to get into MJC. I’ve browsed their school’s photography club website and it looks awesomely cool! They even went to Perth in 2007! I hope I do have a chance to join them if there should be another overseas trip! :D The club looks so interesting and I totally love their photos. However, I still have to consider about choir after what Ms Yeo have told me cos’ that’s where I “shine” in. Well, I don’t really know what to say, but to be honest, my passion for singing in choir is sadly, not as strong as before. Perhaps I can only get the joy of singing in Dmnchoir as I find it hard to adapt to different teaching methods, especially in the area of singing. Furthermore, I don’t really like the politics problems there. Yes, indeed, like what Ms Yeo have said, I can just mind my own business, but the thing is, I’m not living in my own world and after all, I still care about people around me. (and I can be quite busybody sometimes) *Sigh* Why am I wavering at this time? I guess it’s time for me to think about it so that I wouldn’t do anything that would make me regret.

Currently, we still have to wait till the 26th to know the results and well, I’m praying hard that MJ would accept me or I’d have to travel very far from home! Gah, I guess I can only leave it up to God. Whatever He has in store for it, they’ll definitely be the best and I would be appreciative. :) Going off now so see you guys next time! Adiós!

Anyway, as I’ve mentioned yesterday, I’m back here to share my New Year resolutions and this year, there wouldn’t be twelve of them. (as far as I could remember, I think I made twelve of them last year and eventually, less than half of them were accomplished) I shall be more realistic this year and be less materialistic. (of course) I’m not really sure how to start with this but oh well, I shall just number them and do some elaboration on them. (in no order of importance as I just jot down whatever comes to my mind)

1) To have a smooth-sailing year ahead for my family
Well, the end of 2010 wasn’t really good. I shan’t spend time talking about unhappy stuff but I just hope that my dad gets his job soon. Though my sister and I were not really stressed because of financial issues, I can really feel how helpless my mum and dad were. To think that they’d rather sacrifice what they have to bring us happiness, it brings tears to my eyes. Seriously, which parents don’t do that? They are after all those who brought us into this world and the ones who gave us everything they have. Without them, I’m positive that we’d be nothing. Thanks dad and mum for everything for the past 16 years and I hope that 2011 would be a way better year than 2010. :)

2) To get into MJC
Honestly, I’m leaving everything to God cos’ there’s nothing I can do to change my results or whatsoever. However, even if I don’t get into this school, I wouldn’t blame anyone even though it wouldn’t stop me from feeling disappointed. Hopefully I would get in there and join the photography club as it sounds rather cool and I would like to pick up something new. I hope to get in there as it seems like a second Dunman. Many regard this as boring and whatsoever but it’s not the case for me. I’m more than happy actually to be studying in another school just like Dunman. Furthermore, I have my lovely seniors there. :) Alright, this sounds really cheesy, but it’s true. And if I get in there, I would definitely pick the Arts stream as obviously, I’m more suited for Arts than Sciences. Probably taking Math as a contrasting subject too. :)

3) Get a Macbook
Alright, let’s be clear about this. It’s not like I’m using a lappy now because I don’t have one, as I only own a desktop and I really want a lappy badly. It’s not because I want whatever people has but I think it would be of great convenience if I have a lappy instead. However, I might not get it as soon as my dad stll hasn’t got his job confirmed. Well, I hope it gets confirmed soon so that we’re able to have a joyful CNY. By the way, I can’t wait for it to come! But I know my parents don’t really like it as financial issues would be brought up again. :/ Nevertheless, I hope my family would have a happy CNY.

4) To lose some weight
Seriously, I hate talking about this issue but I just have to lose some weight. Not as if I’m some anorexic model but I guess everyone wants to look better and be healthier. There’s nothing wrong to be fit unless it’s to an extent that one is anorexic. I do admit that I love food though, (who doesn’t?) but I would try my best to cut down on my diet but at the same time, eat healthily. :)

5) To make new friends
Guess people would be thinking that this is extremely funny as this is one of the easiest things on earth. But it’s not for me, especially in a new environment. I’m a rather anti-social people and I don’t trust people easily. It’s hard to be my friend cos’ I judge people secretly. (not by their looks of cos) Yeah, I do, as after all, I’m still a human. I have certain kind of people whom I dislike and I hope that they would have minimal contact with me this year, no matter who they are. And yes, they are the hypocrites. Seriously speaking, these people are worse than haters. At least haters have the guts (?!) to insult you in your face. At least they do not hide their real feelings about one. At least they’re still trustworthy after all. But what about hypocrites? I think they’re trash. Yes, I do agree that some emotions and comments are meant to be hidden as they’re better not to be disclosed. However, hypocrites hide all their emotions and comments, especially negative ones and back-stab people. I hate these people, especially those who betray their friend’s trust. And yes, I have encountered one and apparently that person is still being regarded as the angel in others’ eyes. Alright, I guess I shouldn’t spend time and space rambling about how much I hate hypocrites but back to topic, I would really wanna make new friends, and hopefully nice ones that trust me and are trustworthy. I think trust is one of the most important elements in friendship. And well, to be honest, I’m not really trusted by whoever out there, apparently. But fortunately, I know my family trust me. :)

6) To stay in good contact with people whom I cherish a lot (since we’re leaving Dunman, or have already left)
I wouldn’t wanna list all of them here as I’ve met a lot of people who’ve helped me in one way or another, but I just hope to keep in good contact with them. Thankfully, I’m still in contact with the Veggies after one year and I still love them like I used to! Really hope to meet up soon when they’re all free as I’ve missed the last one, aw. Anyway, special mention for my next group of friends, the UCP. They’re great too. And I don’t know why, I also have to mention this person as I’ve had one of the best times in Dunman because of her, and she’s AunnNing. :) Well, she’s real smart and leaving for RJ but I really hope to keep in contact with her! :D

I guess my New Year resolutions would end here or I’ll think of other impractical resolutions that I wouldn’t keep to. Those that have been mentioned are quite realistic, I guess, and hopefully, on the 31st of December in 2011, I’d look back at this post, realising that all my resolutions would have already been accomplished! :) I’m feeling excited as I talk about it and hopefully, I repeat, hopefully they would all come true. Of course, without the lack of determination and discipline! :D

2011, here I come!

“Whatever you did in 2010 it has already happened. You have learned, and make 2011 better than 2010.”

Anyway, since I have nothing to do today, I thought it might be a good idea to come by here and blog. And oh, I’m also not going out tomorrow. Well, who can I blame again? Nobody but myself. I don’t actually get it. Is it because I do not have the initiative to ask people out? I don’t actually think so because I get rejected 90% of the time. But honestly, who would wanna go out with an idiot who’s so boring? Someone who has no plans, who does things by her mood. What an idiot, isn’t she? Alright, I have totally no idea why I’m scolding myself like this. For the past 16 years, it has always been like this but it seems like I’m feeling different this year. I don’t know why.

I should pretty much stop this as after all, I would still be going out with UCP on Sunday to celebrate Paul’s 17th birthday. How time flies. And hopefully it wouldn’t rain on that day or it’d be a waste to go to Sentosa. Speaking of it, I haven’t been there for quite some time and I wonder how it’s looking now. Probably great. Greater than I can imagine. I should seriously stop being so pessimistic about life at this point of time as I believe it probably brings bad luck to the new year, haha.

I guess that’s all for now and I would be coming back here to blog about New Year’s resolutions and some other stuff, so bye for now.

Apparently we looked like refugees from some natural disasters because we had no shelter to seek for when the rain came so suddenly. :P

Haha, I’ve just flooded this blog with Lin Yu Chun’s photos and I’m feeling rather guilty now. By the way, I’ve watched ‘Come Fly With Me’ by Matt Lucas and David Walliams and it was great and funny! Alright for now, adiós! :D