cooking? cooking!
Lol, stop questioning about the title of this post seriously, it’s just a song of SuJu. Anyway, I’ve realized that I haven’t blogged last Friday, due to tight schedule, hah. And here I am! (with this stupid internet) But oh well, school turned out to be quite fine, although I turned up late for school *ops*. Haha, the new English teacher is nice though. I like her. Hope I won’t regret saying this, lol. Choir today was also surprisingly okay. I mean, at least we didn’t get any scoldings right? :/ I hate to get scolded. C’mon, who likes being scolded?! Alright, I’m kinda crazy.
Yesterday, one of my juniors asked me what I think of taking Literature in sec three. Actually, I don’t really know how to reply her. But I think that it’s important to love Literature before you even touch it. I mean, if you have no interest in this subject, why force yourself to take it? It would be a torture to do so, I think. And if there is one subject that I would not take unless forced to, it’s Chemistry. And I’m already being forced to, lol. I don’t really hate it, but I just don’t get the gist of it, seriously. It makes me kinda stupid. Or am I stupid? Actually, I don’t really think that I’m stupid, it’s just that I need more time than others to get something right. Slow? Perhaps, I can’t deny it..
Actually, I don’t really know what to say here, and I’ve used many ‘actually’s, I realized, haha. I have also realized that I don’t go to blogskins.com anymore, which is quite a good thing, I guess. Firstly, it stops me from having an urge to create blogskins and secondly, it helps me to avoid sucky (?!) people. Alright, there’s no such word, so don’t copy me okay, lol. Being lame here, but who cares?
I’m quite excited about tour all of a sudden, I don’t really know why, hah. But it’s a good thing, I guess. Nostalgic memories filled my mind again, aww… Anyway something I definitely would not forget is to get the seniors souvenirs! :D Miss them loads, really… Going to tour would be different, as compared to sec one, really. I can no longer be the ‘blur’ one, but the ‘alert’ one, lol. I must look out for others and not the other way round. It would be different, but I think I would be enjoying it cos there are still ucp! :)
I’m getting tired and I think this should be it. Going to school at 10 tmr! I don’t wanna be late anymore, hah.
Shindong dong dong dong dong!~
Filed under: choir, friends, happy, random, school, ucp | 2 Comments
angels and devils
These few days at school were fine, I think. Choir was surprisingly okay! Just that I couldn’t sleep. Amnesia? I don’t really know. I worry about A LOT OF THINGS. I don’t know why. :(
I don’t wanna talk about results. They were such disappointments. I just don’t get it why I can still fail for Chem despite studying so much for it. It’s so depressing. Do you understand? When you’ve put in so much effort, you don’t wish to fail. But eventually, you still failed. Do you know that kind of feeling? I actually ’sacrificed’ my studying time for A Math and spent the time on Chem. I regret doing that seriously. I suck at making choices. I suck.
Despite having results making me depressed, I have my friends and family who are there for me. I’m so glad. Really. People who understand me are hard to find, cos’ I’m a rather temperamental and emotional person. One very good example of someone who doesn’t understand me is my dad, sad to say. He always thinks that he’s right and refuses to listen to others. This eventually led to few conversations between the two of us. :/ It sucks to say this, seriously, but I really don’t understand why my mom is the total opposite of him. She’s 99.99% understanding, even though I sometimes scold her in my heart, unintentionally. I love her seriously. I love my mom. She’s not very educated, but she doesn’t make me feel embarrassed at all. In truth, I’m proud to have her as my mom, and it’s the other person who makes me feel embarrassed all the time, especially when he let out strings of profanities. Touching on this, I really want to say that I hate people who are vulgar, especially when they let out strings of hokkien profanities. Ew, speaking of it makes me nauseous. Alright, stop talking about this, Brenda. (crazy?!)
Anyway, other than having my family, I still have my wonderful friends. Aww.. Ain’t it touching? Lol, actually not really cos’ I haven’t even say what they have done. I would really like to thank them for being so understanding, especially YL cos’ she knows that I feel rather depressed as I’ve failed Chem, and she’s like my ’shield’ for all those things that I don’t wanna hear. :) I’m so glad to have these people. And Adolphus, stop being sad, cos’ like what you’ve said, “Failure is the most important ingredient for success.” Lol, I should also tell myself this. Hah, of course other than these two people, there’s still UCP! (okay, YL is also in it, hah) They such funny guys, really. I don’t know how to put it, but,… They’re really nice for being so understanding! Cos’ I know that I’m person who’s not easy to talk over (?) Alright, I should say, I know that I’m a very bad-tempered person, really. I know that, I know. But thanks to them, I’ve changed since secondary one. I used to be someone who was jealous of practically everything, from friends of friends (?!) to other trivial things. But I’ve reflected a lot for these years, and I’m glad that I have them, ‘Usual-Choir-People’. Nonetheless, there’s still another group of friends who are freaking busy now, and they’re the Veggies! I miss them loads! Hope to see them soon! :)
I love my friends, cos’ they’re the ones who really understand me!
Aww, ain’t that touching? Lol, maybe not to you, but it is to me… Anyway, I have a task which I hope to accomplish in the future — to help people. No matter what it is, I want to make a difference in their lives. To make them smile, to make them happy, to make them feel that life is still worthwhile as there are people who love them. You may be asking, “Why the hell have Brenda became so kind?!” or “Why is Brenda doing these?!” And the reason for this is that I want to share the love that I have, seriously. I think that I’m really fortunate to have so many people loving me, though some just don’t admit, hah. Back to the point, I want to share the love! LOVE LOVE LOVE!~ Okay, crazy Brenda!!
Okay. So after reading post, are you motivated to share your love with others? (LOL!) Just kidding. But mind you, “You only live once, so live it meaningfully.” Understand? Lol, I can seriously be a motivational speaker blogger. Right? Hah, I can’t really speak my words, so… yea.
Shindong rocks! – Lol, not replacing Ricky, but he’s added to my favourite list!
Don’t give up, you have to carry on.
Filed under: choir, friends, happy, random, school, ucp | 6 Comments
you only live once
Another lonely marking day. It was definitely boring. While everyone was out playing and having fun, I was staying at home in front of the computer like a dumb idiot. But it actually helped to make me happier. As mentioned before, I’ve lost hope in something which I loved a lot, and it didn’t make a difference after exams. I loathe to see that face. I loathe to get back the same feeling again. Am I that useless that you actually look down on me? Am I? I hope I don’t get to see your face ever again. I hate you. Maybe there wouldn’t be much change on the outer side, but deep inside, I know that everything have changed for me. I’ve officially become the most useless person.
Oh well, I should stop thinking about that since it makes me so depressed. I only hope to graduate as soon as possible and leave this place where I would only remember the happy times. Anyway, school is starting tomorrow, omg. I hate to think of it, but I think that we humans, have to face the reality no matter what. We can’t escape from it, can we? And the lessons would extend from 2nd Nov to 12th Nov. But choristers would be missing quite a lot due to the tour. ARGH~
Alright, I should resume the friday-blogging as usual, even though today is not friday, hah. But I doubt no one will read my blog. It’s just a place for me to be happier, I guess. Prove me wrong by leaving a comment if you’re reading this. :) But I won’t have any expectation cos’ I don’t want any disappointment. :D
Anyway, Shindong of SuJu has cheered me up, surprisingly. Lol, I thought I was the first to say that I wouldn’t be “into” the Korea wave? But nah, it’s okay. Shindong is a funny guy~ Nonetheless, Ricky still rocks! :)
:D
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instant death
Just as I thought things were going to be fine, I experienced the heartache. The instant death. It’s as if someone pulled the trigger and the bullet went through my heart. It felt so pain. The incessant pain that I am experiencing. It makes me feel like dying. I feel like crying. But I love this.
Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile, even though it’s breaking. You’ll get by… If you smile with your fear and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow you’ll find that life is still worthwhile if you’ll just light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness although a tear may be ever so near that’s the time you must keep on trying. Smile, what’s the use of crying.
Maybe life is still worthwhile. Maybe things are not as bad. But I’ll never be the same person ever again, I know I’ll never. Things have changed, so are the people. So is the way they treat me. As friend, or as stranger? I need some time to think of all these. I really need time. T-I-M-E. Why time just couldn’t wait for me? Why can’t anyone other than my family understand me? Why can’t I not be here? Why can’t everything be perfect?
On the other hand, I’ll be going on
hiatus
I really need sometime to make things easier for myself and stop thinking so much.
At the meantime, I’ll be preparing for EOY too. Good luck guys, and I love this place where I can talk freely.
“距离并不可怕，可怕的是心越来越远。- 这就是世界上最遥远的距离。”
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pull that trigger
“If it’s a broken heart, then face it.” – Just a random lyrics, but rather meaningful to me. Currently, I think the ’study mode’ of me has switched on. Argh, I don’t want! Ironically, I feel like graduating asap, and leaving this place asap. I don’t know why. I feel rather lost, I think. I don’t belong to anywhere. I think I’m just gonna work hard and not expect anything, except academically. No one knows the reason for me being like this. I’ve actually lost hope in something I had always been looking forward to. I wasn’t like this. I knew it wasn’t, and I had enjoyed it a lot more than now. I don’t know why. All I look forward to going to school is to see my friends. That’s all I need. That’s all I care. That’s all I know.
Alright, enough of all those stupid stuffs. They are so demoralizing. Anyway, I’ve kind of gave up hope on blogskins.com cos’ I realized that the blogskinners there suck big time. Argh, mentioning of them just makes me uncomfortable. And seriously, look at the SOTD. The last time I saw it, it has only achieved one pathetic favourite. What a “good” SOTD. Alright, I have no rights to comment about it cos’ I can’t even create nice skins. But whatever. I don’t give a damn about it. Seriously. I realized that it’s quite contradicting that I keep saying that I’ll stop blogskinning when I actually don’t, hah. But who cares anyway, right?
Going out to study with Doreen and YL tomorrow and hope that it would be productive.
Growing is painful.
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easily ignored
Well, the dinner on Tuesday was great and I’m rather glad that my parents were pleased with my recommendation, hah. But even if they don’t, I’ll still request to go there for the next person’s birthday, who is gonna be my dad, lol. Speaking of him, our hamster bit him on his thumb which I strongly believe that it bit his vein and now his whole arm is swollen. Ouch. And that useless doctor just merely gave him an injection and some prescription which doesn’t seem to work. (0.0) I just hope that he’ll get well soon. :/ It’s rather contradicting that hamsters are cute but scary. I never dared to touch any adult hamsters cos’ they look freaking scary. Alright, back to topic on Jo’s birthday. Anyway, I think it was great, even though I ate the Tokyo Pizza and grab some from rest of them, lol. But we didn’t have cake cos’ we were bloated after eating all those stuffs, haha. But it’s okay! An enjoyable one.
Alright, then it’s the Ice Cream buffet with UCP. Well, it was… alright, I would say. Cos’ Doreen didn’t feel well and omg, the mentioning of ice cream gives me creeps actually. I think I wouldn’t touch cakes, ice creams or any other deserts for at least a month. :/ Eww.. But on the bright side, everyone came including Marcus! Lol, and we watched the alien show. Don’t bother remembering the movie name though, but I think it’s cool to control others. :) If I have the control… *winks* Lol, I’ll probably do things that I wouldn’t imagine, haha. But overall, it was okay.
Today, went to school and I felt that it was all a waste of time seriously. Firstly, for E Math lesson, we can just merely read from textbook and understand everything. And on the other stuff, I shan’t touch on it or something unexpected might happen. Kinda waste my time and I’ve woke up on the wrong side of my bed this morning. Seriously.
Well, I think that’s all. I think Pet Society is shitty. :/
RICKY!
Filed under: boring days, friends, random, school, ucp | Leave a Comment
i forgot how to fly
Finally blogging after common tests, and I realized that it has been quite sometime since I came here, so ta-dah, here I am! Okay, I’m being lame, but who cares anyway, right? I’m having heartache now cos’ I’ve just deleted the blogskin which has 8 favourites cos’ there’s a problem with it. Argh. This feeling sucks. But I’m sure the following things can make it better and make me smile while thinking of it…
1) Celebrating Jolene’s birthday at Say Cheeze
Oh my, I’ve been craving for their cheezecake as long as you can think of it. It’s like, the best food on earth? Okay, maybe not cos’ I think I haven’t tasted the best food yet. But I think I’m gonna have a scrumptious meal this evening! 8)
2) Going out with UCP tmr for Ice Cream buffet
Yay! Yet another outing for the weird-named clique. Gah, silly for me to say that, but… nevermind. I’m just looking forward to taste more good food, yummy!
3) I can finally reach high notes
Alright. I think I’ve found the reason for my bad singing these few weeks, and I just hope that I can continue to sing high notes without being out of tune. Oh please, mentioning of that is a little pessimistic for this little one. And so, off this topic!
4) Blogging at wordpress instead of blogger
For the third or forth time, I’ve tried blogging at blogger but I just can’t seem to be comfortable with it. Well, back to wordpress, at last, and I’m so glad. :)
5) Ricky
My source of happiness and motivation. :) I’ve seen some new videos of him and I’m impressed that he could sing a song with 293-word lyrics successfully. Omg, and many people sang his songs but sadly, none of them can sing as nice as him, hah. Ricky is the best and no one can beat him. 8)
Alright, I shall stop here, and gonna take pictures for the meals!
I’m sorry that I’ve failed to understand you.
Filed under: choir, friends, happy, random, ucp | Leave a Comment
suicide
School was scary this week. Firstly, I’ve failed A Math test, for the second time. Actually it was expected cos I studied the wrong topic. Second time for making this mistake, and I’m rather pissed with myself for doing this. :/ But well, that’s life, and I’m as unclear of things as usual even though I jot down practically everything.
I kind of hate the fact that I take criticisms seriously, and when people point out my flaws, I’ll grief over it. Is it because I’m a perfectionist? Well, being a perfectionist sucks sometimes. But on the other hand, it’s good as we always set high expectations, which are mostly achievable, but when we fail to do so, we’ll grief over it. Just like how I hate the fact that my rhythm sucks and I’m forever not confident of things. But the point being, I don’t think I’m a 100% perfectionist, as sometimes, I’ll just take things lightly if I’ve lost hope for it, which is a bad point. :/
Anyway, back to how school was torturous. Actually, I just didn’t have enough time to sleep and it makes my mood worse. The best thing is that I’m doing railing duty for this whole week, and I’ve gotten to see the person I hate for 5 days in a week. The thought of it makes me feel like puking, ew. And… I hardly speak a word in class, really. I seriously think school is boring and I’m just looking forward to JC-life, despite knowing how much is may sucks or how stressful the environment would be. I think it’s 80% because I’ve chose the wrong class. I dislike the people in my class, which I think 90% of them are suckers. Sorry to use such a strong word, but they’re irritating to the core. On the other hand, I like the subject combination. I would still choose the same class if I had a choice, before knowing that there are so many sucks in class. I’ve finally known the reason for going to school – to really study. I say this because I don’t really get to see my friends often. Or should I say, I hardly talk to them except when there is choir practices? *Sigh* I don’t know. I think I should really concentrate on studies and nothing more than that, and I think that’s the solution. :) Maybe looking forward to choir practices would also be one of the reason I go to school, hah. And I should really thank some people like UCP, Adolphus and LJB (CT), lol, for making every day of mine an enjoyable one. :) Oh oh, and wordpress and twitter! (even though the internet seem to gone case these few days) They rock! Haha.
Other than these things and people who make me happy, who’s another person that make me happy? RICKY! I bet you’ve known this answer a few seconds ago, haha. I’ve actually realized that music is really something that influence me a lot, especially those with meaningful lyrics, mostly Ricky’s, lol. Anyway, I think Ricky is doing quite fine and he’s probably at 台中僑園大飯店3F國際廳 now. I don’t know where’s that, but he’s probably doing fine, I guess. He said this in his latest post, “只好讓上天來安排啦”. It means to only let God decides on the things he desire to achieve and I agree. Sometimes I think that some things are meant to be decided by God. On the other hand, we must also work hard for what we desire, of course. “也許緣分還不夠吧” – Maybe fate is still not there for him to come to Singapore, lol. :) Oh, and next month is his birthday! He’s gonna celebrate it in Bali and I think he would have fun. Waiting for 22nd of September! :)
Well, at the end of this post, I’m going to say that… I’m going on a…
HIATUS!
will be back after Common Test.
Study hard people! And good luck! :)
Listening to: Basket Case – Green Day
Filed under: choir, friends, happy, random, school, ucp | Leave a Comment
friday-blogging
There must be a reason why I named this post ‘friday-blogging’, and I think you’re smart enough to know it. But for those who doesn’t know, it’s just the fact that I’m going to blog every Friday if it’s possible, and I’ll be on hiatus if there should be any examination. :) Are you happy? Haha, I bet you’re not cos I’m actually talking to nobody. Everyone thinks that my blog is officially closed and no one comes here anymore, lol. But it’s okay. This is a free platform where I can express my views and thoughts without any restrictions. :)
Well, school’s boring as predicted. I’m kinda used to going to choir without the seniors already. :) Which is a good thing and it definitely doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten them, duh. I think the main reason is because there’s UCP. Aw, I’m saying something that’s unbelievable! Lol, just kidding, but for the first time, I’m saying something good and UCP. :X
Oh oh, and not to forget about Ricky duh. I’ve just saw him yesterday on the fund-raising show for the flood in Taiwan! Omg, it’s so coincidentally that I switched on the TV and saw him. And the best thing is, he sang ‘We Are the World’! That song is a not-to-be-missed seriously. Initially, I thought he would not be able to make his appearance in any shows as I thought he was still in Malaysia. But good thing is that he’s fine. :)
I think that’s all I have to say. I haven’t done any homework and I’m going to do them tomorrow. So… gotta get some sleep while listening to Ricky! :)
PS: My blogger account is also working at the same time. So do drop a tag there when you’re free. :)
Listening to: Michael Jackson – We Are the World
Filed under: choir, random, school | Leave a Comment
farewell
I don’t know if this is real, or I’m just saying this for fun. I think I won’t be using the computer anymore if necessary. And saying this means that I’ll not be blogging as frequent anymore. However, I’ll still be twittering through my phone as I’ve downloaded an application called TinyTwitter, haha. So I’ll still twit once in a while when there is WiFi! :) Well, I kind of feel nostalgic now. Argh, I think I’m crazy, haha.
I have a feeling that I love Science instead of Math now. Four periods of Math were tiring, really. I rather have four periods of Science than to have Math. I think I just don’t have the knack for Math that I need much more time than others to get what teacher is saying. Oh well, it’s just a fact and I’ll have to accept it. But I’ll never give up! :)
Oh, by the way, I’ve made myself a scrapbook and I have been updating it quite frequently, when waiting for lessons, etc. I think it’s quite cool, but I hate the fact that it’s actually a lined-exercise book. I shall get a feel plain diary or plain exercise book someday. And decorate it like what I’ve done for my current scrapbook. Lol, there’s no photos of it as I don’t even think you would wanna look at it, haha.
Anyway, school’s going well, just that there’s some irritating classmates. I think they can be nominated as the best actor for they’re good in acting. One act as if he’s very clever, one act as if he’s a gangster, one is pure irritating and the list goes on. Fortunately these people are out of my comfort zone. (They’re sitting rather far away from me, phew) And I have smart people sitting around me. Hope to be as smart as them, and Jolyon is one of them. Lol. I don’t really mind that seating arrangement anyway, only hate that the pretty but irritating curtain keeps flying to my face, and that I have no one to talk to. (Or I’ll put it as I don’t want to talk to anyone) Quite a nice seat though. I love it. :)
OMG, I’m going to record myself. I don’t know if I can make it. But I don’t care that much anymore. I think I’ll record tomorrow. Well, life’s unpredictable. I shouldn’t expect too much as I tend to have too many disappointments.
Before I go, here’s some blogskins I’ve made recently and hope you guys would like it. :)
• twenty : the beginning of a new day
• twenty : the answer to your life (SOTD)
• twenty : very entertaining
• twenty : good friends
And of course, here’s the one last nice thing I’m going to share. Love it.
Well, please cry for me cos I’m leaving! But nah, smile and wish me luck! :)
I ♥ RICKY!
Filed under: choir, friends, random, school | Leave a Comment
